Get Outta Here!

Dear girl at the gym that is obviously not working out,

I don't understand you. You show up at the gym in an outfit that required entirely too much forethought. I'm curious as to what your intentions truly are... because your free-flowing, although gorgeous, mile long, perfectly curled hair, is completely impractical for anything that requires motion beyond a casual walk. The amount of makeup on your face is a dead giveaway that you have no intention of working hard enough to actually accomplish anything, but props on sitting at different machines and going through the motions to try and prove otherwise. PS. see that black stack of things next to you? Those are weights, and that pin thing? it moves. But regardless, you still get looks from every decent looking guy as you sit incorrectly on the machine, chatting to your friend, pointlessly moving your curiously somewhat decent looking legs. I don't know how you look the way you do, but I know it's not fair. You're not doing anything! Get outta here! You make all the sweaty girls look bad!

Sincerely,

Mismatched and panting...

Milk Frustration

Function of a milk carton: 1. Contain and preserve milk. 2. Provide an effective way of directing milk into other things for everyday use.

Do the people who make Costco milk containers actually drink that milk?! It's obnoxious! You are failing at your quite simple job. I would really appreciate a new design.... or someone to pop out and clean up after every milk spill.

The Need For Sleep!

Ever notice that the nights you KNOW you need sleep, and will make sure that you go to bed on time because you HAVE to get sleep, you CAN'T sleep?! UGH! I hate that... Words cannot even begin to describe the amount of stress that situation causes.... so let me describe it to you with pictures :)

Random Daily Thoughts

I understand that it must have been frustrating for my mom that she never won... but it was more fun when she tried to hide the chocolate from me.

There is no brown sugar in "maple and brown sugar" instant oatmeal... is it really necessary to have an artificially-flavored sugar substitute for sugar?

Why is it that I am incapable of taking my dinner plate from the kitchen to the living room without taking a bite of something along the way? Even though I know I would get there faster if I didn't slow down and try and balance everything while walking and eating. 

Apparently a pile directly in front of the laundry basket is more appealing then actually throwing my clothes inside of it.

I will take the time to figure out how much my clock is off by, as opposed to replacing the batteries so it will keep the right time.


I am convinced that trying to count down the time accurately without watching the microwave, makes the time go by faster.


No, I don't want to make two trips to bring whatever is in my car, inside. So yes, I will stand here for twice as long in an attempt to bring it all in at once.

Something about standing and waiting for the toaster is very irritating.... I always have to do something during the wait time.

I hate when I go do something else while I wait for my toast, and then forget about it completely and it's cold by the time I go back to get it... 

I hate when I put the cold toast back in the toaster just to "warm it back up..." and then forget about it again and it burns...


It makes me sad when there are no more blueberry bagels, I've eaten too much oatmeal in the past couple days, there is nothing else good for breakfast, and I resort to having toast :(

The Progression of Hysterical Laughter

Opportunity to prevent whatever may come. 

Opportunity not taken.

When I start to gasp for air and buckle my knees, it is not because I am experiencing a heart attack. Although my lack of breathing and need to brace myself on something, may be disconcerting, I assure you, I am in fact ok. 

Once I’ve been stuck on the same sentence for three or more tries because I still can't get past "and then" it becomes somewhat amusing that I am literally incapable of speaking without laughing. Sometimes I will just laugh it out, thinking that if I give myself a second and take a deep breath, I will be able to continue like normal... That never works. 

Unfortunately, closing my mouth doesn't help either, it just promotes more humming laughter, and it increases the likelihood of snorting, which would only escalate the situation further. 

When the pitch of my voice starts to increase, there really is nothing to do to stop what is about to happen next.

While subconsciously I may know that you will not understand anything I am about to try and say, that does not stop me from attempting to communicate with you anyways. I will try my best to recollect myself several times, each time no-doubtedly sniffling and inhaling and choking on spit in the process, even though I am neither sick nor drooling. These attempts will fail, and the hysteria will continue. 

By now, you are probably just annoyed with all this nonsense. Frustrated at the fact that the story has not progressed in the last 10 minutes. I don't blame you. All I can tell you is, just be grateful that my sisters are not around. Because THEN you would have a serious problem.